Of Dreams and Log Jams Part 1

Last night I dreamed; I have been dreaming a lot recently. A friend once said to me that a person only dreamed when they weren't listening to God - when God couldn't get their attention. The implied criticism at the time was that I wasn't listening to God. It may well have been true, but I think my friend was simply stating that they didn't dream and they listened to God and He spoke to them clearly.

I have always dreamed, big swirling epics and little flashes. It occurs most often when I'm deep in thought and mulling things over, when something concerns me, when I search or yearn for something, when there are rocks in my heart and I hate myself for something, when something is frustrated and the life of God does not flow easily, when peace has seeped away, when I doubt, when I am in disobedience, when I have neglected prayer, when a burden will not let me go. Somewhere there is a log jam and something has to come out, otherwise I'll go mad.

The conclusion being: when I dream something is wrong, in me or somewhere else. If God isn't digging up the rocks in our heart, what is He doing? Do we assume to be so prigishly perfect that this will never happen? We must keep up our facade of being 'spiritual' and holy. Sometimes a hard questioning cynicism(distrustful of the presented virtue of yourself and/or others) is the only cracker that will crack the nut of prudish religiosity, to provoke what is truely inside.

If we are on a even keel then the waters haven't risen yet; we are still in dock. The door of the ark may be shut and we may be sealed in pitch but we await the deluge. We cannot see what is happening let alone understand it. We can only hear it when it starts to fall. Will the seal hold? It starts with a slight movement, then a jolt and a judder, a bob. We are afloat in a waterproof nave being taken by God through the difficulties of life - not taken out of but through - with walls of gravity-defying water hanging beside us. Nevertheless, we must look at the pillar of fire, not at what surrounds us.

Beware of harsh metallic faith, like Paraoah's chariots, that reduces life with God to a succinct dismissive rule - when it rests upon a person. Flee from them. They cut you open like a surgeon, gutting you like a fish while they themselves remain immutable and untouchable. A rough ride awaits you upon the good ship 'Ark' rather than upon the smooth chariots as a captive. Beware of smoothness, ease, convenience, routine that lulls, inward neatness and tidiness. Nothing will remain the same while the ark bucks and tosses through the waves.

"It is dangerous to get into a settled state of experience. It is preparation and preparation."

Oswald Chambers.

So dreaming occurs when everything is in flux, when something that means everything has been tossed into the air . The music starts again and we are up and running, not knowing where to go, only knowing we MUST go and go now. Respond now lest our hearts congeal and become hard. Dreaming is God's kneading of the heart before the oven, it is his pressure and hands upon you in an unseen way, getting your attention, especially when you think deeply. The heel of his hand rolls into you again and again, flattening and moulding, spinning and throwing into the air: His - not to play with but - to do with as He pleases. Dreaming comes when there are phases of resistance to this. His fingers press in. Respond to Him now before He sends circumstances to shape you, respond in the small and mundane; be faithful in the little. The perplexity of that dream will nag and annoy, it is meant to be inscrutable until your heart keeps pace with it and then it unfolds (or evaporates into nothing as it was born of the worry of your soul). It forces you back to God knowing He is the holder of yours secrets. You have been trained by the sheepdogs of God's dreams, hounding you into submission; He tracks you down and corners you into a decisive moment in time and the decision is not left or right but it is down: down and submit, yield!

He MAKES me to lie down in green pastures!

Then the peace will come.