How we know what is in the heart

God brings us to the end of our strength, to the end of our joy, to the end of our resources, to the end of self.

Why?

To know what is in our heart. He pours us out until we are empty, until he reaches the dregs, the rotting detritus left at the bottom that should have been sieved long ago (Deut 8:1-5). A thing is not known to be in your heart until it comes out through the mouth or the hands, for the heart is hidden and deceitful (Jer 17:9); it must be drawn out by circumstance so that it can be seen. You need to see yourself in the mirror of this trial so you are confronted by your own heart. How else can we be disciples unless we are disciplined? God is making us his sons, we are not just sons by birth but by upbringing as well and what son is not disciplined. We are apt to forget that in the midst of the trial our feet did not swell and our clothes did not wear out. (v4)

We are brought into the desert to eat the manna from heaven, to depend entirely upon his word, to know that every blessing is from His hand and not ours, to make you dependent upon him - not your strength, your wits, your skill, your ingenuity: these things come from a man's pride. We are often interested in what is at the end of the journey rather than the journey itself, we cannot wait to get there but you have to isolated, your are on your honeymoon with your beloved. He needs to snap the ties of Egypt and the lust for the blessings of the Promised Land, that you will be dependent upon Him and only Him. He leads us out that we might be led-in once more; He finds what is in our heart so that we would know Him in our heart, and there the convenant is made from one heart to the other, so that we are not just sons by blood but sons in actuality. God is becoming our Father in a way we have never seen before. It would not be enough for one circumstance to expose out heart; the human soul is equipped enough to survive one night trudging through the desert and the Red Sea; one event in public with drama does not make a man and does not expose a man to God. Years of battering and daily weathering only denudes our pride until we come to the end of our tether; 40 years in the desert will do this; daily drudgery in the small things of life is where a disciple is born. Faithfulness and joy in obscurity because you are with Him are what really sustains you. Then you are led by the hand out of the wilderness by the one you truly love (Psa 77:20).

(Based upon, in part, on Oswald Chambers "My Utmost for His Highest", 21st October, Direction by Impulse)

Going Barefoot

Tough, tough morning.

I heard it said once: "If Satan attacks you, he's working for Jesus."

It happened before I even got up this morning - a little domestic incident that reveals my incompetence as a husband! (I don't disagree that I'm incompetent.) It's always those tiny stones in your shoe that stop you from walking: too big to be sand yet small enough to slip in unnoticed. Your foot moves in your shoe and that tiny stone moves as well . . . ouch, where did that come from?

I didn't switch the tumble drier back on after I pulled stuff out of it last night. The result? Someone didn't have dry kit for work this morning. I could have sworn I pressed the button, but I didn't check that it had started working again. I should've pressed and held the button. Oh dear.

God does give notice, but why was it such a surprise? I didn't listen. I saw it coming. It usually happens when I'm tired. But it caught me blindside. I complained and blamed, heard things that were never said and, eventually, called out and scrambled in prayer to get out of the hole I fell in.

But it's not the stone that God is bothered about, it's not about the source of irritation or the sandal you're wearing as if He just cares about your comfort; it's about the heart that gets irate and irritated. It's about the heart that responds out of self-defence. There is only one way out, and it isn't up - it's down, not a highway but a low-way. Don't bother to stop and lean on someone so you can whip your shoe off and make yourself feel better - just kick them both off and go barefoot.

When you hold something - anything - against or within yourself there will always be a little 'thing' that can work its way in between you and that 'thing'. It's presence to remind you there is a 'thing' between you and the outside world, that hard skin of leather. Throw it off: it only insulates you from feeling the pain and suffering that are yours, so that when the real thing comes along you are unprepared and give up in despair for comfort's sake.

Go barefoot and take nothing with you; allow the stone and grit of the road to grind against your feet all day long until, at its end, the Lord will be lower than you and wash it all away.